You will be the same person in five years as you are today except for the people you meet and the books you read. – Charles Jones, Tremendous
Rarely, I read a book that changes my life forever. Have you ever read one of those books? There were a few books that Eric and I read when we were first married that helped us understand each other and taught me what marriage was supposed to look like. There have been others…
- Bringing Up Boys by James Dobson (helped me make the decision to homeschool & loads of help in understanding my macho little man 😉
- Love and Respect by Eggeriches (marriage)
- So Long, Insecurity by Beth Moore (personal growth)
- Babywise by Ezzo (how to care for a newborn)
- Shepherding a Child’s Heart by Tedd Tripp (how to be a godly parent and not fall into the behaviorism trap)
- Fool Proofing Your Life by Jan Silvious (dealing with difficult people)….etc, etc.
But this one…“How We Love Our Kids” by Milan and Kay Yerkovich has totally rocked my world! Eric and I are reading this together because it deals first with us, as parents. (p.s. it will help you understand your spouse more fully, as an added bonus!) It delves into your childhood and encourages you to figure out what your love style is, so you can raise your children well. Are you the emotional avoider, the pleaser, the vacillator, the controller or the victim parent? We all are one of these to some degree. Secondly, it goes into your children’s love styles and identifies how we can help our child; the emotional avoider, the pleaser, the vacillator, the controller or the victim.
Thirdly, it gives great practical advice on the introverted child, the free-spirited child, the determined child, the sensitive child and the premature child. All of the children that would be characterized in any of these ways, require us as parents to understand their uniqueness and treat them accordingly.
For example, only 25% of the population are introverts. They are mistakenly labeled shy, but that isn’t always the case. The author says the introvert may have “less words” than their extrovert siblings, but they are not necessarily shy. They process information internally and they need to recharge their batteries after being with people. Many times, if you have one introvert in your family, the family conversations can leave them behind, unless someone draws them out. I like to think of an introvert as a well and an extrovert as a fountain. They both have water, but the introvert’s water is hidden and must be drawn out. They usually have a well of feelings about topics that are being discussed, but they may need more time and understanding.You, as a parent, need to draw that child out, you desperately need to know who your child is. They want you to know them & connect with them in a deep and meaningful way!
The book also takes you through a healing journey – the authors themselves have taken this journey and have seen that no matter what stage you are at in your parenting (yes, even if the kids are out of the house), you can bring healing to your relationships by beginning to understand yourself and why you do the things you do. A humble apology from a loving parent can bring much healing to a child. Don’t ever underestimate your apology or think it is too late to change. It is never too late! And, it will be an encouragement to your children that you also have faults and this is how we deal with them…with humility.
The authors are counselors who have had over twenty years of experience in this field. You will enjoy their honesty and the often embarrassing stories they tell on themselves. It is a excellent book. I would encourage every parent to read this book and open your heart to the healing that God will bring through it.
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